Meltdown of the Week

Mike Gundy has been the most talked-about coach in America this week. That alone may be the reason this tirade is genius. Never mind the message he sent to his team: that he has their backs and is willing to take the heat off of them, directly onto himself.

Some in the media (the most self-serving, self-promoting, self-important industry in America) have castigated him for calling out the poor female sportswriter publicly. If he had an issue with her article, they say, he should have talked with her privately. (You know, the way she only wrote in her private, personal diary about his player. No, wait...!) It wasn't fair, they say, the way he blind-sided her.

Boo...Hoo.

A Cuban They Call Twinkle-Toes

That sudden gush of wind felt across North Texas last night was not an atmospheric belch. It was the entire the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex heaving a collective sigh of relief. You see, we have this adopted son, a billionaire with ADHD, named Mark Cuban. Whenever he opens his yap or sticks his face on national TV, we figure to take a major kick in the groin (aka, the PR department.)

Famous for his verbal brawls with NBA officials both on and off the court, for getting into mudslinging contests with players from other teams, and lawsuits with former coaches, Cuban can be a PR nightmare for any image-conscious community having to lay claim to him. That crazy hair alone is enough to raise eyebrows.

So, here is a guy worth 2.something billion, owner of a sports franchise, making a move to buy another major sports franchise, owner of the HDNet TV network, and producer of movies with nothing better to do than agree to be a contestant on Dancing With The Stars. Believe me when I say we here in Dallas figured this would be the final move to show the world that New York's super-annoying, self-promoting, weird-haired rich guy has finally been "trumped"...by a Dallas chump.

But hold the presses. Aside from that part where he kissed his fingers and smacked his own ass, Mr. Cuban represented himself quite well. Seven weeks removed from hip replacement surgery, he cut a pretty good rug. Talk about shock and awe! Could have knocked me over with a feather. He didn't say anything controversial. He mentioned his daughter and how much she was into daddy dancing with the stars. He didn't even fight with the refs when they only gave him sevens across the board!

So...relax, Dallas. Our reputation, a delicate matter ever since the Kennedy thing, is no worse for wear this morning.

As my wife smartly observed, "Cuban even fixed his hair."

Right or Wrong

I am big enough to admit when I am wrong...and small enough to crow about being right!

I was wrong. Donovan Mcnabb CAN throw the football in the ocean from the bough of a schooner. After yesterday's performance against the Detroit Lions, that is fairly obvious even to the most ardent Eagles' hater.

Apparently not an Eagles' hater, Brian VanOchten of the Grand Rapids Press gushes:

The embattled Philadelphia Eagles quarterback, who'd been portrayed as both a disgruntled black athlete in a controversial HBO interview that aired last week and a scapegoat for his team's 0-2 start this season, silenced his critics with a record-shattering performance in a 56-21 rout of the Detroit Lions amid a hard-to-please crowd of 67,750 at Lincoln Financial Field.He didn't just shut them up.

The NFL superstar, who'd been greeted with a loud chorus of boos during pregame introductions, responded with the finest game of his career. He transformed the eers into robust cheers while completing a career-high 80.8 percent of his passes (21-for-26) for 381 and four touchdowns for a perfect 158.3 quarterback rating. He also completed 18 consecutive passes, second only to his NFL-record 24 straight completions spanning two games in 2004.

It just doesn't get much better than that.

OK, OK! I get it. I was wrong.

But I was right, too. Last night, during the broadcast of the Dallas Cowboys' ass-whuppin' of the Chicago Bears, Al Michaels quipped, "I guarantee you Rex Grossman will get 100 times the criticism of Donovan McNabb this week."

Al's point? It isn't a black and white thing, Donovan. It's a do-you-suck-or-not thing. That's it! The Iggles fans don't care if you're black, white, or chartreuse as long as you throw the ball to your guys more than you do to their guys...and win. It's that way everywhere, man. So stop whining like a little school girl and being lured into playing the race card by no-talent, overrated, big-mouthed, melodramatic, barely-black-in-the-first-place boneheads like Bryant Gumbel.

I was wrong about this, too: The Cowboys are not defenseless against the pass. Last night, after playing their corners too softly for the entire first half against the Bears, they put them closer to the line, got more physical, stuffed themselves in the hip pockets of Bears' receivers and stole the ball from Rex Grossman three times. So, they can defend the pass...as long as Grossman is the one throwing the ball, at least.

But, I was right, too. Romo is the real deal. Not since Roger Staubach was in his prime have Cowboys' fans seen someone move so well in the pocket, buying time, and torching defenses. And not since the high-powered high-flying Rams' offense of 2000 has an NFL team scored 116 points in the first three games of a season.

With Jason Campbell making strides in Washington, Eli Manning figuring it out in New York, McNabb returning to his game-breaking ways in Philadelphia, and Tony Romo in Dallas threatening to make everyone forget the rest of them even exist, the NFC East is shaping up to be the beast it was always meant to be.

I am right, ya know? And what's wrong with that?

Cowboys Riding a Tank

Reinforcements are on the way, Cowboys' fans. General Jones has called in the Armored Division. Specifically, he has ordered that a Tank (Johnson) be sent to the frontlines to try and quell the enemies' relentless ground assaults. The 6'3, 300 pound defensive tackle ought to be more than welcome in a defense that has been on its collective heels the first two games.

Trouble is, this Tank has been known to come armed. He has been jailed, paroled, in violation of parole, and too frequently in the wrong places at the wrong times (e.g., in a nightclub where his friend and "bodyguard" was gunned down and behind the wheel when his judgment was impaired by the consumption of too much alcohol). The 25 year old Tank Johnson's former team, the Chicago Bears, suspended him a couple times and then finally released him because of his off-field troubles.

But hey, it's Texas and the Cowboys. What's a little gunplay among friends, right?

Go Cowboys!

Murder, He Wrote

Is it Kharma? Is it the biblical law of "sowing and reaping?" Is it a man getting his "come-uppance?" Or, is it just OJ being "the Juice?"

Whatever it is, you have to wonder at a man who gets away with murder and then sets out to find any way possible to self-destruct. It isn't enough that he bears the Mark of Cain on him; this pathetic creature has to go out of his way to find new troubles for himself.

It all seems to be about what it has always been about with OJ Simpson: incredible selfishness and greed. If there is a way to capitalize on murder, he will try to find it. (See his not-quite confessional and so-called novel, "If I Did It.") If there is still money to be made on his now too-distant and forgotten glory days in football, he wants to be dang sure he is the one making it...even if he has to form his own illegal task force and storm a hotel room to make it so.

The first professional football game I ever attended was in the early seventies at Texas Stadium. My Dad took a couple of my friends and me to see the Cowboys vs. the Buffalo Bills on a Monday night. I got to see the storied Doomsday II defense face the most feared and revered running back (and some might argue the greatest ever), OJ Simpson. That meant so much to me!

But that was then. My, how a little murder can spoil a good memory.

Bottle Some Of That Ro-Mojo, Baby!

Call it Romomentum, Ro-mojo, Romorific...or whatever you like, but there is something special about this Tony Romo kid, who cannot seem to wipe the possum-eating-peat seed grin off his face. And why not grin...from ear to ear? He's got the world by the tail, NFL defenses by the throat, and the city of Dallas by the heart.

Who knows how far it can carry a club that seems to be defenseless against the pass? If we could bottle that Mojo and feed it intravenously to a couple of cornerbacks and safeties...and maybe a linebacker or two, we might be talking Super Bowl.

Instead, Cowboys fans will have to settle for the magical, mystical Romachine on the offensive side of the ball and offer fervent prayers for divine intervention on the other side. Who knows how far this thing will take them? But the ride looks to be worth the price of admission.

Goodell Squirms But Sticks to His Unloaded Guns

Hand it to Bob Costas. He asked the hard questions. In his inimitable, personable, professional, but persistent style, he pressed NFL commissioner Roger Goodell on the PatriotGate issue. Costas confronted Goodell with the accusations of inconsistency in the punishment meted out to Patriots' coach Bill Belicheater and to the organization.

Responding to the comparison of the Belichick fine to the fine/suspension of Cowboys' QB coach Wade Wilson, the following exchange took place:

Costas asked: "Wade Wilson, quarterback coach of the Cowboys, received a shipment of HGH. You suspended him five games, fined him $100,000, which is one-third of his salary. Half a million, we guess, is about one-tenth of Belichick's salary. Wilson, who is no longer a player, said he received it to help him cope with the effects of diabetes. Is that a disproportionate penalty?"

Goodell replied: "First of all, I'm not going to get into the personal situations of why Wade was taking it, but that's not an accurate point. Second of all, Wade Wilson was involved in a criminal activity. It was against the law. There's a very clear policy for our clubs and our players that if you violate that, it's a four-game suspension. I suspended him for five games because I think a coach should be held to a higher standard. That is why I approached it that way. They all understand the rules, and I think we did what was appropriate in Wade Wilson's case, and I'm comfortable with that."

Goodell also insisted that the fact that the Patriots have two first-round draft picks in next year's draft did not lessen the impact of losing one of them. Any clear-thinking individual would have to call that hogwash. Most teams only have one pick in the first place, Commish. The Patriots are set to lose their pick but retain the pick obtained from the Niners. You tell me which pick is apt to be the better one?

During the Patriots' shellacking of the Chargers on national TV last night, Madden noted how "unaffected" Belichick seemed by the whole affair. Madden meant it as a compliment to the three-time Super Bowl winning coach, but it seemed, ironically enough, to this listener as an appopriate indictment of Goodell and the NFL in their mishandling of the whole affair.

Goodell has positioned himself as the new sheriff in town, the zero-tolerance gunslinger who won't turn a blind eye to bad deeds. Looks like he is nothing more than a hired hand, prepared to cater to the rich landowners while playing hell with the rowdy cowhands.

Super Cheaters

Roger Goodell has had more than enough on his plate in this second year of his oversight of the NFL. First drug abusers, then dog-fighters, and now good old-fashioned, first-class cheaters.

In light of the way the New England Patriots were caught red-handed and pants-down, we can now officially end the debate over whether the bums deserve to be in the debate over who is the all-time greatest team and begin the debate over whether the penalty they received was harsh enough.

Goodell, thus far, has been the modern-day equivalent of Judge Roy Bean, the famed "hangin' judge" of the Pecos. His responses to league violations have been swift and severe. Until now.

So, Belichick, the head football cheater of the Patriots was fined $500,000. Big whoop! You think he will miss it? Do you really even think that, ultimately, when all is said and done and the Boston Cheaters figure a way to slide the money under the table to the head cheater, the money will even come out of his pocket?

Wade Wilson, the Cowboys' quarterback coach, a man living on pauper's wages in comparison to Belichick is serving a five game suspension in addition to the hundred thousand dollar fine he received for an infraction of the rules that occurred before he was on the staff of the Cowboys. He bought human growth hormone (HGH) online. The natural speculation would be that he was buying it to give to Bears players. So far, no fines or suspensions have been slapped on the Monsters of the Midway. Nope! The cowboys are being inconvenienced and penalized for what went down on the Bears' watch.

I guess that is another story entirely, except it begs the question: where is the suspension for Belichick? If a little HGH is worth five games, what is blatantly cheating during the course of a game worth? And if a lowly quarterbacks coach deserves a suspension for misbehavior, should the head cheater not be held to at least as high a standard?

The team penalty in the form of a first round draft pick if the Pats make the playoffs or a second and third if they don't seems equitable enough. How about this though? Forfeit the game we KNOW they cheated to win. Make the miserable low-life bastards who make a mockery of your sport 0-1 rather than 1-0!

Why isn't this a bigger story? Why is there no groundswell, no across-the-board demand for justice? Why does the mighty media of the Northeast wink at this? Is it because it is their beloved Patriots? Would they be ready to torch Jerry Jones if this had happened in Dallas?

Hey! I know justice is blind, but does it have to be retarded? Or...is it justice at all? One thing for sure, we should do history justice and drop the Patriots from any and all conversations about greatest team ever. There are some Packers, Steelers, 49ers, and Cowboys teams who deserve better company than that.

Romo Good, Roy Bad

OK, Cowboys fans, you can stop worrying about Tony Romo. He is, in fact, the real deal. He isn't a Johnny-come-lately, flash-in-the-pan gunslinger as apt to throw it to the bad guys as the guys wearing stars.

Not since Roger Doger has a Cowboys' QB averaged over 23 yards per completion in a game. Not since 2000 have the Cowboys scored so many points. Not since Troy to Jay have we seen a Dallas signal-caller make such deadly use of his tight end.

Not even the potential loss of Terry Glenn for the season can dampen our spirits when it comes to this Cowboys' offense. Thanks, Romo!

Romo good!

The other side of the coin, or the line of scrimmage, is another story entirely. The Cowboys still don't get enough consistent pressure on opposing quarterbacks, even with Mr. Fix-It coaching them. They give up huge ground gains to pedestrian running backs. And worst of all, they still can't cover a wideout.

The most glaring offender (or offensive defender) is none other than Roy "oops-I-missed-another-one" Williams. We all remember a time when Roy was the Enforcer, a real bad ass. A ball might be caught, or a run broken, but the hapless fool who ventured too far on the Cowboys' side of the ball faced certain retribution and would certainly need a bottle of Tylenol.

These days, however, if he isn't whiffing on a tackle, or getting burned by Plaxico Burress for a TD, he is being plowed under by the tattooed tight end, Shockey.

It's enough to make you scratch your head. This once-proud perennial Pro Bowler looked lost out there...all night long. He is supposed to shine close to the line of scrimmage. He is supposed to be a juggernaut when he blittzes. Instead, he just gets manhandled by guards, tight ends, and whomever else happens to see him and summarily dismiss him.

Roy bad. Real bad.

The success of the Cowboys' 2007 campaign may come down to one question: "Is Tony good enough to cover Roy's bad ass?"

Stay tuned.