AN OPEN LETTER TO BILL BELICHICK (Emphasis on "chick")
Dear Billy Boy,
Getcha popcorn ready! You figure to have the best seat in the house when the upstart Boys from Big D exact revenge and snatch the baton from your greasy, grimy, filthy, cheating hands come February 3.
You have had your run. It's been a good one. Only you and God know how much of that is directly related to your greaseball, cheating ways and how much can be attributed to your genius. We in Dallas want to thank you for being a placeholder. Thank you for being a bookmark, if you will, filler while we fumbled about and finally figured out how to return to our rightful place atop the NFL.
You did a fine job of being Almost America's Team. You made some nice memories, I am sure. You may even sleep soundly at night with none of the Ghosts of Cheatings Past slipping their clammy fingers about your throat. Granted, you looked like a slob while dominating America's game, but that's forgivable. We understand a person can lack basic class and ordinary social skills and still be a coaching savant. So, we forgive you.
And we dismiss you with our thanks. Now, kindly finish your incredible run through the regular season, dispose of your AFC opponents, and come take your ass-whipping like a man. Then you can scrawl your name that so wonderfully lends itself to playful misappropriations - like, Belichimp, Belicheater, Belichump...and the one we will add after your colossal collapse against the Cowboys in the Super Bowl, Belichoke - onto the script of NFL history and begin the slow, painful slide into the oblivion you so richly deserve.
Oh...and merry Christmas.
Yours Truly,
AN Unofficial Representative of America's Team
Dear Billy Boy,
Getcha popcorn ready! You figure to have the best seat in the house when the upstart Boys from Big D exact revenge and snatch the baton from your greasy, grimy, filthy, cheating hands come February 3.
You have had your run. It's been a good one. Only you and God know how much of that is directly related to your greaseball, cheating ways and how much can be attributed to your genius. We in Dallas want to thank you for being a placeholder. Thank you for being a bookmark, if you will, filler while we fumbled about and finally figured out how to return to our rightful place atop the NFL.
You did a fine job of being Almost America's Team. You made some nice memories, I am sure. You may even sleep soundly at night with none of the Ghosts of Cheatings Past slipping their clammy fingers about your throat. Granted, you looked like a slob while dominating America's game, but that's forgivable. We understand a person can lack basic class and ordinary social skills and still be a coaching savant. So, we forgive you.
And we dismiss you with our thanks. Now, kindly finish your incredible run through the regular season, dispose of your AFC opponents, and come take your ass-whipping like a man. Then you can scrawl your name that so wonderfully lends itself to playful misappropriations - like, Belichimp, Belicheater, Belichump...and the one we will add after your colossal collapse against the Cowboys in the Super Bowl, Belichoke - onto the script of NFL history and begin the slow, painful slide into the oblivion you so richly deserve.
Oh...and merry Christmas.
Yours Truly,
AN Unofficial Representative of America's Team
