Thursday, October 11, 2007

Scientific Reasons The Cowboys Upset The Patriots This Sunday

The latest Vegas line has the Pats as 5 1/2 point favorites. But the 'Boys will win the game, and here's why:

  1. Kharma. The Patriots were caught cheating, red-handed. What have they suffered as a result? The loss of a little discretionary spending money and a first-round draft pick that doesn't hurt nearly so bad, since they had two of them anyway. Belicheater wasn't suspended like Cowboys' coach Wade Wilson was (and Wilson's transgression took place while he was on the Bears' staff, so the Cowboys were unjustly penalized by the whole affair.) The Football gods have to rise up and smite the dirty bastards, since Goodell won't.
  2. Romojo. It's magic, baby. If Monday night didn't teach us anything else, it taught us that. NOBODY throws five interceptions and rises from the ashes to win. Don't look him in the eyes, boys. Behind that peat-seed eating, boyish grin he hides a hypnotic power.
  3. God is watching. That hole in the roof of Texas stadium is there for a reason. You don't think they will dismiss church early in Heaven for this one? The Cowboys aren't just America's team, ya know.
  4. The cowboys have been punished enough for not drafting Randy Moss. The statute of limitations has run out.
  5. The Cowboys aren't just playing for records and Super Bowls and stuff. They are playing to keep the Dallas Metroplex economy flourishing. When the Cowboys lose, North Texas spins into a mini-recession. You want your Patriots to win; we need our Cowboys to win.

These are scientific facts, and they are indisputable.

Final score: Cowboys 38, Randy Moss 35 (the rest of the Pats team is shutout)

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