If Life Were Football

The only thing I hate about football is that there is more to life. At least, that is what I am told...or have been told many times by an exasperated wife.

I don't hear it as much lately as I once did. I suppose twenty-seven years of planning family trips, weekends, holidays, and meals out around the football schedule have finally taken their toll. I don't know exactly when she waved the white flag of surrender. I just feel certain she has. Maybe she thinks it best, if I am to have a mistress, that she be oblong, leather-skinned, and hard to hang onto.

It's a shame, really. If life were football, think how it would uncomplicate things...

1. First, you would know exactly who to blame for all your misfortunes. They wear prison-style pin stripes, blow whistles and throw yellow flags.
2. You would know who your enemies are, too. No more looking over your shoulder at work or at your neighbor with a suspicious eye. The enemy is clearly marked. He wears a uniform with a logo on his helmet and his name and number emblazoned on his back.
3. Moreover, You would know just how people feel about you. You could hear their wild cheers when they are loving you and their vehement cursing and booing when they wanted you dead.
4. You would know where you belong, what your role is, and that the pursuit of your own success is in keeping with the greater good. There would be a common goal that is large enough to absorb each individual's goals into itself.
5. You would know at the end of the day exactly where you stood. Just look at the scoreboard. You won. You lost. No gray areas. No ambiguity.
6. Finally, you would know that no matter how good or bad this day turns out, the next day will present a clean slate. The score will be even again. Losers might become winners. Winners might be made into losers. Or you might just become a dynasty.

But there's more to life than football.

Right?